I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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