You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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