Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
