i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
is it fun? or sober?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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