Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
