mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
