After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize