I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize