i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
