Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
