Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
