It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
