I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize