she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
