We named our party play list daddy issues
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
