We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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