i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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