Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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