This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
