Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are we still banned from the library?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
