I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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