I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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