Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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