I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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