If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
