I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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