Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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