youre lurking in front of me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
