We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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