The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
