we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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