Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
