Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
