You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
