Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
