Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's official drugs can't kill me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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