I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize