I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
