I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
