Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
4 words: hood of his car
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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