so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
