I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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