Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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