Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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