apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
