Need sex. Gaining weight.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
