:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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