I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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