I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
