Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize