Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
