And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
