there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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