sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
