go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
