Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
