I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
