Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
