I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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