Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
