Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
