Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
