Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
