Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize