Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
