JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
