Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
