did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
