Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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