They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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