A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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